Kidnapper: Get in the fukin van
Me: Oh ok cool
Me: This is a febreze commercial right
Me: Smells pretty shitty in here to me tbh
but how do you convince little kids to wear clever costumes they won’t appreciate?
"mommy can i be batman?"
"no you and your brother are going as van gogh and the starry night painting, it’ll be so hilarious and witty"
"i want to be batman though"
"shhhhh mommy needs more followers on pinterest"